………..Truths ……….

There is no truth to the rumor that my family is taking bets at how much weight I gained after vacation. However; it is true that there is something about eating at quaint restaurants on the road.
There is no truth to the rumor that when I saw my neighbor coming I said “Here comes the neighbor and she’s bringing more zucchinis”. Yes, one zucchini vine does produce a great deal of the vegetable. Thank you, we have had enough zucchini for this year.
There is truth to the rumor that cucumbers can keep the bees away. At the Greenwood Festival a booth had bowls of sliced cucumbers around and they were never bothered by the bees. Since the bees are extremely bad this year – you can sit outside only if you hold a bowl of cucumbers.
No, I do not believe there is any truths to the rumor that chewing gum will help get rid of gophers or moles. My sister’s back yard is over-wrought with mole mounds. She is busy setting traps while coworkers suggests that chewing gum (and it must be Juicy Fruit) will kill the moles. They say moles can’t digest it and they will die. More than likely the gum gets on their little dentures and they can’t chew any longer.
There is truth to the rumor that I could use another week of vacation. I, along with many Americans, are discovering that there is a name to this post-vacation feeling. It’s called “I need another week to recover syndrome.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Order: Chaos

My  sister-in-law is a wonderful person. She is exquisite but her house is a mess. I’ve always wondered if there was any truth to the rumor that they won’t even sell her a subscription to Good Housekeeping Magazine.

True, clutter makes the home looked lived in. It is not necessary to be so clean that you can eat off the floor. But it would be nice to eat off your plate and see the table. I can’t recall ever once seeing the top of her kitchen table.

I don’t even want to talk about the family room. We always have to clear a space on the couch just to sit down. I’d be afraid to ask her to use the telephone. Her husband said the phone has been missing for weeks. Her son swears if he ever needed change, all he had to do was look under the couch cushions.

I once heard her blame the dust on a faulty flue. Yes, there is a fireplace in the living room. But really a faulty flue ? You have a Portable Walnut Fireplace Heater with a “fake” fireplace.

She always has a sink full of dishes. My husband suspects it is a good way to cover up a dirty sink. By the way, I’m not saying it’s time to defrost the refrigerator — but you can see frost on the outside.

Instead of washing the light fixtures, her husband swears she just uses stronger bulbs. In the fifteen years of marriage they have gone from 25 watts to a three hundred watt.

She has a Rubbermaid tote in the garage for Goodwill. I think it gives the impression that something might actually be going to a worthy cause. She once mentioned she was doing a magazine article and can’t change anything until she takes the “before” picture. And when will she be finishing this article?

She laughs that they live in a home not a house. She will start picking up items after her boys grow up and leave home. She might be better off leaving home with them.

Next month — maybe I’ll talk about my aunt. I’m not saying she is a lousy cook. But it is rumored that in her house they have Alka Seltzer on tap.